40 Over 40: Melissa
I hated my childhood, liked my 20’s, and really loved my 30’s, but my 40’s are the best decade yet. In my 20’s, I made some of my best life friends at the university. In my 40s, the best ones have stayed with me, returned to me, and empowered me in ways I never knew I would need.
In my 20’s, I worked hard, learned to trust myself, find myself, and be proud of my small everyday decisions. Almost every experience and friendship, and relationship was new. It was an explosion of the small work and mindset I had lived in until then, in the best imaginable ways. I worked two jobs, paid my way through 10 years of an American university, and nearly lost my mind from the extent of hard work it all took. But, I was fortunate to end up with a doctorate, a job I loved, and a community I was deeply invested. And I lost half of my hair from the stress of it all.
In my 30’s, I married, had babies, worked hard, and leaned on the foundation I had built. It was freeing to be even more confident in myself, although my mid to late thirties were full of questioning everything I had believed until then. Every part of my foundation was rocked or crumbled beneath me, and I was left raw, defeated- totally alone in many ways. I continued to work, but five countries and three babies later, I was worn down and questioned my judgment about who I had married and my choices.
What I find striking about my forties is the unwavering commitment I have to myself. I show up for others—my kids, my family, and my community—but I am unwilling to follow anything but my own gut.
My inner voice grows stronger and more transparent. I can say what I want or think, nearly always, without shame or fear. You may have had the privilege of experiencing this in your life already. But if you fear getting older, I hope you remember that many cultures celebrate their “older” community members with prestige and honor, and for a good reason. You get to a place where your voice is heard, and that, despite all the ‘grams and tweets, is taken more seriously when it is earned by years of showing up, of putting in the work, of not giving up, of making choices you are proud of- the ones that no one else sees.
It took having many of the deep things that I hold dear taken from me for me to be stripped to the core of who I really am. And when a person continues without giving up, a certain beauty, respect, and glow flows with you. I’ve experienced that from women my senior.
I’m not saying I’ve done it all the right way. I haven’t. No one has. But I will take the 40s and run smiling into my 50s if life allows me because when you trust yourself and live that honest, unapologetic (but not ass-hole) life, it just...Keeps. Getting. Better.
